Friday, 12 November 2010

Struggling with issues of self worth.

I'm in two minds about writing this blog today, but I have decided that
this is what blogging is all about.
When you are sat in your workshop as a creative person and you
don't feel a creative bone in your body.

It feels like my brain is an apple in one of these boxes
but which one.
 Why ?
I've been dealing with my bank who are charging me £100
for a £1000 overdraft facility, I fully understand the initial set up fee
which I paid last year, But to charge me the same amount this year just to
keep the same facility, is day light robbery.
Unfortunately I told the Guy exactly what I thought, and I was fuming, and still am.

 Dealing with these sort of robbing bastard's really does do my head in.
and effects how I feel inside, and thus how I feel about what I'm making.
The only way out of this I know is to not require an overdraft.
And I am determined to make this the case.
But they way they talk to you, made me feel like I was
a worthless piece of shit with a tin pot business.
You try finding a creative vibe when your made to feel like that.
It's Only an inner determination that is
going to get me working today.

There I did it,
sorry it's just how I feel today.
Oh and That is the loaf of bread I made on Wednesday.


cookingwithgas said...

those guys- yes they can be so demeaning.
We once sat in an office trying to get a loan without having our parents sign for us.
We paid all our bills on time- had just paid off a loan with them and they still wanted our parents to put up collateral on us.
My better half stood up look the guy straight in the eye and said F you.
Walked out and we went to another bank who loan us money and kept us in business.
Can you bank on line?

ang said...

ouch ditch the overdraft around there are deals to be had, and other ways to manage your business..

Linda Starr said...

do they have credit unions rather than a bank you can deal with ?

Ron said...

Sorry to hear this Paul. It's impossible to work when all this junk is going on so take some time to do something else. I hate dealing w. banks and insurance companies and any of those crooks. Maybe putting it out here like this will help a little. At least you know we all are here for you.

Clarke Green said...

Two million other people had that initial creative spark that you guarded and fanned into a fire.
The other one million nine hundred thousand and ninety nine let it go out and followed some other path.
Out of all those you were brave enough, skilled enough and talented enough to make a go of it.
Never a question of self worth - just a question of banking bastards who have little respect for anyone's struggle to make good.
They put me through the wringer this week as well.
They can take their money and go to the devil. I'll still have my hands and my work.

Lori Buff said...

First, you are a very talented and creative person, don't let the guy at the bank make you think anything less. Ask yourself, "is he following his dream like I am?" The answer is probably no so just take pity on him. Go for a walk, clear your head and remember, you have lots of worth and you can get a new bank.

Anna said...

My husband is an accountant, a very good one in fact, and hates it. He would rather be playing music! So maybe this bank dude is just JEALOUS. I agree with Lori, take a nice walk, maybe have a pint and dive back in doing what you love AND are good at!

Paul Jessop said...

Thank you for your comments,
cooking with Gas I love your simple story, some times it feels so good just to say F You.
Thanks Ron, because I know you guys are out there for me That I can get this stuff off my chest, thanks.
Clarke, words of wisdom indeed.
In fact today I made 25 soup bowls and 12 tankards, then went for a long walk with the dog. and I feel much better indeed. So thank you all for reading my rant.
Blessed are the cheese makers!

Linda Fahey said...

thanks Paul for putting it out there and being so honest - this is what happens in people's lives and sometimes the interwebs are so "fantasy" positive and gloss over the tough days. Your post makes me feel a little better about my crappy days. And, of course Eff that bank - find one that isn't extorting you! bastards.

love them apples ;)

Hollis Engley said...

Hello, Paul. It's very difficult to get into the studio and shut out the rest of the world when things in the rest of the world are preying on your mind. I know. That happens all the time with me. So you're not alone in this. And the fact that banks suck and that today they rarely care about the humanity of their customers is well-established, but it still pisses us off, doesn't it? At least it appears you can still make good bread.

Peter said...

Hi Paul,
I was looking at the photograph of your showroom in the post before, and thinking what a lovely, welcoming place you have made, and how well you are displaying your work. What you have done over the last nearly 2 years that I have been reading your blog has been a huge achievement.

It is so sad that the banker has made you feel so worthless and like your business is a "tin pot" one. Whilst the understandable reaction would be to flatten the guy's nose (and that might still be a good idea!!), the best thing for him would be to drag him out of his office and sit him in front of a potter's wheel for a few days.... Maybe, just maybe..., he would learn some respect, and, if very lucky, that bean counter might become human as well!

Glad you posted what you did, it was very sad reading it, but it needed to be said. Hope you are able to get that clay between your fingers again and are able enjoy it.

Tracey Broome said...

Banks SUCK! I could take up sooooo much space here telling you some of our horror stories recently, but let's just say my husband is about ready to pull out all of our $$ and just pay cash for everything! Hang in there, you are NOT alone in this. I am loving my little pitcher and the world needs these little pitchers to set it right :)

Hollis Engley said...

And all those apples would indicate to me that there is good cider in someone's future ...

Patricia Griffin said...

Hi Paul - I had a similar day last week trying to get lined up for individual health insurance as I no longer qualify for a "group" plan. Baffles the mind.

I'm sorry you're having the banking issues. However, it's awesome to read the feedback and feel part of such a supportive clan. It's not money in the bank, but it sure does feel good and, I think, is priceless.

Paul Jessop said...

I would just like to say a very big thank you. to all of you that have left a message. you are a wonderful bunch of people, and it is a privillage to be able to count you amongst my friends. You have restored my faith in man kind and in myself. Thank you.

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